Category

Life & Wellbeing

Category

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about rejection and I don’t just mean the big rejections we’ve all faced at some point but the everyday rejections that go with modern day life.

For me I got to a point yesterday where I just felt like it had been a week of it. Not even let downs, to me it was rejection. What’s the difference? I think rejection feels stronger, let downs are easily brushed off, then again maybe it’s to do with where your headspace is. If you are feeling low already do we take it more as rejection then? I think I do and the reason being that when I rationally think about each one, I doubt it was actual rejection however it just built up to feel like it. For instance… not getting the response I wanted about more freelance work (it was still a response), being told I’m no longer getting the heart operation I’ve been waiting for (my medication is enough so why bother about an op) and the guy I was chatting to online suddenly doesn’t answer back (there’s plenty more fish in the online sea!). Each one has some sort of rational explanation but our lives are filled with so many of these smaller rejections that I wonder if we ever just become unsusceptible to it or do they actually build up over time and affect us more. Somewhere in our sub conscious is it actually affecting our confidence, self belief and mental health.

rejection

For me the feeling of rejection started when I was young, I have many theories as to why but it is definitely something I’ve always struggled with. Again, I logically know it wasn’t that most of the time but it’s how it felt and when you are young it’s hard to know how to change your mindset and flip it into the positive. Let’s face it we didn’t talk about that back then. I think my association with that feeling has effected my relationships and friendships, not leaving them when they’re no good because even though I would be making the choice it somehow still felt like I was being rejected through failure. So I stayed with that friendship or relationship even though they were a negative in my life. In fact in the past 5 years I have struggled with a friendship where we went from being close to them drifting in and out of my life when it suited them. My initial feeling, for quite some time, was that of ‘why am I being rejected’ and so I was hard on myself and it got me down every time. Then I had to take a step back and realise, this is nothing to do with me, this is not being rejected, I’m doing nothing wrong.

Now in life we face small rejections on a regular basis especially online; not enough likes, not enough followers and not matching as you continuously swipe right. Also, as it gets tougher to get jobs look how much we have to try and brush it off when we spend hours applying for different positions only to never hear back or get a generic ‘You’ve not been successful’ email. It’s even harder when you’ve got to the interview stage, built it up in your head because you ‘need to have the positive mindset going into it’ and then after sometimes weeks of waiting get told there was someone better. Every month for the past year I have worked with different young people who are trying to get their foot in the door of the industry they want to work in and it’s tough when you hear how much they try and how they have to very quickly learn to deal with that constant rejection when they just want to start their career. Similarly I know the feeling as a freelancer when you’re seeking new work.

Rejection Fed up and happy

Now in life we face small rejections on a regular basis especially online; not enough likes, not enough followers and not matching as you continuously swipe right. Also, as it gets tougher to get jobs look how much we have to try and brush it off when we spend hours applying for different positions only to never hear back or get a generic ‘You’ve not been successful’ email. It’s even harder when you’ve got to the interview stage, built it up in your head because you ‘need to have the positive mindset going into it’ and then after sometimes weeks of waiting get told there was someone better. Every month for the past year I have worked with different young people who are trying to get their foot in the door of the industry they want to work in and it’s tough when you hear how much they try and how they have to very quickly learn to deal with that constant rejection when they just want to start their career. Similarly I know the feeling as a freelancer when you’re seeking new work.

So is this modern day rejection just something we become immune to over time? Maybe for some but I don’t think I will. There is no doubt I’ve learned how to deal with it, sometimes I can just say ‘whatever’ and move on instantly but other times I need a day or even two before I can regain my focus and carry on regardless. I suppose it depends on how much of our mind we gave to it in the first place. 

The other day one of my closest friends told me I was the most together person she knows and I don’t give myself enough credit for it. An absolute compliment I know, but to be honest I was left a bit speechless by it. Why? because it’s made me wonder if I’m very good at hiding what is often happening on the inside.

I’m not even really sure what being a ‘together person’ means, I would have thought it symbolises someone who has their life sorted and if that’s the case then I wouldn’t say that’s me. I’m happy with life now but I still have areas I need to sort. However maybe that is just it, the fact that I’m happy with life and myself while believing the rest will sort itself out in good time.

When I think back then compared to my past then yes I am definitely a together person now. My 20’s were spent in a toxic relationship and the first part of my 30’s was a life of stress, feeling unappreciated and drama. That then turned into a period of loneliness, depression and not having a clue where life was heading. Each time I was lucky enough to know I needed to do something to change the situation, from leaving behind a job I loved to taking time out to find me again or having the courage to get a life coach when I felt I was in a dark well and couldn’t get out. Don’t get me wrong it was difficult and took a lot of work but I’ve been able to get there.

Together Person

It’s because of all this that I would never consider myself that ‘together person’, despite having a life I now like. I still get times when I’m low, when my anxiety is back or my shyness has taken over again. The difference now is that I’ve learned my coping mechanisms and I’m willing to push myself out of my comfort zone in a bid to overcome the crippling shyness that has plagued my life… well apart from when I can’t even make conversation with the guy I like because the above takes over! But I’m working on it!

Getting to a point in life where you’ve made enough changes to feel happy, calm and look forward to the future is a joy. It isn’t necessarily an easy process and I still have moments of doubt and self loathing but overall I’ve become strong, independent and laid back enough to deal with different situations and if that means I’m a together person then good.

My 30 something life, it’s been an adventure. Well that’s the positive spin I now look at it with. Turning 30 never bothered me, however, 31 was a disaster. Heartbreak and heading home after a night out to watch the last ever episode of SATC to cry with the hope that one day I would have my own Mr Big to save me. (Yeah I know wrong attitude, I don’t need a man to save me but it took me a few more years to figure that one out!)

My next 30 something milestone was the middle years, when I decided I needed a change of direction. After spending my whole working life in radio and becoming a successful producer I was ready to give it up. the early mornings of a breakfast show finally catch up with you and I was feeling the effects of working in an all male environment. I was starting to fall out of love with radio and I felt less and less creative. I knew I needed to go because I didn’t want to turn completely against something that had been a big part of my life since the days of excitement as a teenager when the Radio 1 roadshow was in town.

I turned to my other lifetime passion…. fashion, studied fashion styling and became the oldest intern in town to get some experience behind me. but turns out the grass wasn’t greener after all. The fashion world isn’t the friendliest of places but as well as styling I picked up other production work. The problem was, I started to miss radio. I’m not a person who believes in regrets but I spent a lot of time wondering if I’d made a rash decision when I turned down a radio job to follow this path.

The thing is you can only ever go forward, through the dark times, the tough times and happy times. Eventually it turns out right, you just have to hang on in there. What I have now is a job I never thought I would do but that I love, using everything I’ve learned along the way to pass on to others. Along with that I have a mind full of memories and an array of stories to tell. No my life isn’t 100% sorted, I still have things I want to come into my world but I’m happy and I feel complete within myself.

30 something katy did what