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This week I’ve been thinking a lot about rejection and I don’t just mean the big rejections we’ve all faced at some point but the everyday rejections that go with modern day life.

For me I got to a point yesterday where I just felt like it had been a week of it. Not even let downs, to me it was rejection. What’s the difference? I think rejection feels stronger, let downs are easily brushed off, then again maybe it’s to do with where your headspace is. If you are feeling low already do we take it more as rejection then? I think I do and the reason being that when I rationally think about each one, I doubt it was actual rejection however it just built up to feel like it. For instance… not getting the response I wanted about more freelance work (it was still a response), being told I’m no longer getting the heart operation I’ve been waiting for (my medication is enough so why bother about an op) and the guy I was chatting to online suddenly doesn’t answer back (there’s plenty more fish in the online sea!). Each one has some sort of rational explanation but our lives are filled with so many of these smaller rejections that I wonder if we ever just become unsusceptible to it or do they actually build up over time and affect us more. Somewhere in our sub conscious is it actually affecting our confidence, self belief and mental health.

rejection

For me the feeling of rejection started when I was young, I have many theories as to why but it is definitely something I’ve always struggled with. Again, I logically know it wasn’t that most of the time but it’s how it felt and when you are young it’s hard to know how to change your mindset and flip it into the positive. Let’s face it we didn’t talk about that back then. I think my association with that feeling has effected my relationships and friendships, not leaving them when they’re no good because even though I would be making the choice it somehow still felt like I was being rejected through failure. So I stayed with that friendship or relationship even though they were a negative in my life. In fact in the past 5 years I have struggled with a friendship where we went from being close to them drifting in and out of my life when it suited them. My initial feeling, for quite some time, was that of ‘why am I being rejected’ and so I was hard on myself and it got me down every time. Then I had to take a step back and realise, this is nothing to do with me, this is not being rejected, I’m doing nothing wrong.

Now in life we face small rejections on a regular basis especially online; not enough likes, not enough followers and not matching as you continuously swipe right. Also, as it gets tougher to get jobs look how much we have to try and brush it off when we spend hours applying for different positions only to never hear back or get a generic ‘You’ve not been successful’ email. It’s even harder when you’ve got to the interview stage, built it up in your head because you ‘need to have the positive mindset going into it’ and then after sometimes weeks of waiting get told there was someone better. Every month for the past year I have worked with different young people who are trying to get their foot in the door of the industry they want to work in and it’s tough when you hear how much they try and how they have to very quickly learn to deal with that constant rejection when they just want to start their career. Similarly I know the feeling as a freelancer when you’re seeking new work.

Rejection Fed up and happy

Now in life we face small rejections on a regular basis especially online; not enough likes, not enough followers and not matching as you continuously swipe right. Also, as it gets tougher to get jobs look how much we have to try and brush it off when we spend hours applying for different positions only to never hear back or get a generic ‘You’ve not been successful’ email. It’s even harder when you’ve got to the interview stage, built it up in your head because you ‘need to have the positive mindset going into it’ and then after sometimes weeks of waiting get told there was someone better. Every month for the past year I have worked with different young people who are trying to get their foot in the door of the industry they want to work in and it’s tough when you hear how much they try and how they have to very quickly learn to deal with that constant rejection when they just want to start their career. Similarly I know the feeling as a freelancer when you’re seeking new work.

So is this modern day rejection just something we become immune to over time? Maybe for some but I don’t think I will. There is no doubt I’ve learned how to deal with it, sometimes I can just say ‘whatever’ and move on instantly but other times I need a day or even two before I can regain my focus and carry on regardless. I suppose it depends on how much of our mind we gave to it in the first place.