The other day one of my closest friends told me I was the most together person she knows and I don’t give myself enough credit for it. An absolute compliment I know, but to be honest I was left a bit speechless by it. Why? because it’s made me wonder if I’m very good at hiding what is often happening on the inside.
I’m not even really sure what being a ‘together person’ means, I would have thought it symbolises someone who has their life sorted and if that’s the case then I wouldn’t say that’s me. I’m happy with life now but I still have areas I need to sort. However maybe that is just it, the fact that I’m happy with life and myself while believing the rest will sort itself out in good time.
When I think back then compared to my past then yes I am definitely a together person now. My 20’s were spent in a toxic relationship and the first part of my 30’s was a life of stress, feeling unappreciated and drama. That then turned into a period of loneliness, depression and not having a clue where life was heading. Each time I was lucky enough to know I needed to do something to change the situation, from leaving behind a job I loved to taking time out to find me again or having the courage to get a life coach when I felt I was in a dark well and couldn’t get out. Don’t get me wrong it was difficult and took a lot of work but I’ve been able to get there.
It’s because of all this that I would never consider myself that ‘together person’, despite having a life I now like. I still get times when I’m low, when my anxiety is back or my shyness has taken over again. The difference now is that I’ve learned my coping mechanisms and I’m willing to push myself out of my comfort zone in a bid to overcome the crippling shyness that has plagued my life… well apart from when I can’t even make conversation with the guy I like because the above takes over! But I’m working on it!
Getting to a point in life where you’ve made enough changes to feel happy, calm and look forward to the future is a joy. It isn’t necessarily an easy process and I still have moments of doubt and self loathing but overall I’ve become strong, independent and laid back enough to deal with different situations and if that means I’m a together person then good.
My 30 something life, it’s been an adventure. Well that’s the positive spin I now look at it with. Turning 30 never bothered me, however, 31 was a disaster. Heartbreak and heading home after a night out to watch the last ever episode of SATC to cry with the hope that one day I would have my own Mr Big to save me. (Yeah I know wrong attitude, I don’t need a man to save me but it took me a few more years to figure that one out!)
My next 30 something milestone was the middle years, when I decided I needed a change of direction. After spending my whole working life in radio and becoming a successful producer I was ready to give it up. the early mornings of a breakfast show finally catch up with you and I was feeling the effects of working in an all male environment. I was starting to fall out of love with radio and I felt less and less creative. I knew I needed to go because I didn’t want to turn completely against something that had been a big part of my life since the days of excitement as a teenager when the Radio 1 roadshow was in town.
I turned to my other lifetime passion…. fashion, studied fashion styling and became the oldest intern in town to get some experience behind me. but turns out the grass wasn’t greener after all. The fashion world isn’t the friendliest of places but as well as styling I picked up other production work. The problem was, I started to miss radio. I’m not a person who believes in regrets but I spent a lot of time wondering if I’d made a rash decision when I turned down a radio job to follow this path.
The thing is you can only ever go forward, through the dark times, the tough times and happy times. Eventually it turns out right, you just have to hang on in there. What I have now is a job I never thought I would do but that I love, using everything I’ve learned along the way to pass on to others. Along with that I have a mind full of memories and an array of stories to tell. No my life isn’t 100% sorted, I still have things I want to come into my world but I’m happy and I feel complete within myself.
So about me… I’m Katy, 30 something, producer, blogger, one time stylist, coeliac and over-thinker who’s battling shyness. Starting this blog has been something I’ve thought about for a long time, I’ve always loved writing and telling my stories but sometimes building the confidence to put yourself out there is the hardest part. For several years now I’ve had a gluten and dairy free food blog (katycookedwhat.com check it out if you want) but now I want to talk about more than just food.
A Bit More About Me…
My 30’s have been the unexpected. I had a good job as a radio producer which I left, deciding I needed to do something else. I did the whole taking time out to ‘find myself’ but it turns out it’s quite an expensive process! So I became a fashion stylist, worked in Paris, came back to Scotland and then moved to London to work in production. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side but it was an experience and it’s given me a lifetime of memories.
I wise man once said to me as long ‘as you’re happy that’s the main thing in life as long as you’re happy’. These are words I decided to follow and now I’m lucky enough to do a job I’m passionate about, passing on what knowledge I have to young creatives who want to work in the world of media.
With me, there’s always a something happening… funny, random or just feeling anxious and wondering about where life is headed. Being in your 30’s doesn’t always mean your life is sorted.